And lonely won't leave me alone.

I have never had the opportunity to really enjoy Valentine's day with any love interest. Either i'm single at the time or there is a much too convenient strain in whatever relationship I mmight be in at the time.


So all day today I have been seeing people expressing their belief in the observed Day Of Love by whatever means. Clad in red and white, carrying baskets to be delivered or those received, roses on co-worker's desks, little trinkets like cupcakes and blah blah blah.


My heart is heavy. Not because I am jealous of the fact that they are being loved; by all means, I am upset at the fact that I am not; well not knowingly or professedly anyway.

There might be a one Tom, two Dicks (all puns intended) LOL, and maybe three Harrys but none of these "suitors" are actually mine. With this being said, the effect is never the same when a friend or a random Joe, wish you a warm Valentine's. I turn my my nose up at that.


Valentine's is for lovers. Don't wish me anything!

My friend is expecting a child. My friend is a man.

He gave me the good news yesterday in not so many words that he was going to be a dad. I say not so many words because, he didn’t sound so excited. I questioned him about the lack of emotion in his voice, and so ensued a conversation that I will never forget.

With so much trouble and hardships in the world, it is not easy bringing up a child, so one would have thought that maybe, he was already sunk deep into thought about how he was going to be able to afford and successfully raise his “yute”. But that did not seem to be the source of his disinterest - for want of a better word.

In trying to save his black ass from what we Jamaicans call “a proper tracing”, he tried to convince me, a woman, that a pregnancy is not supposed to have a profound emotional impact on a female- female in this case being the same female that is bearing the child.

My heart wept. I know he didn’t say what he really intended to. Maybe it was just his choice of words. But he did mean what he said. His reasoning was, the mother-to-be is well aware that she is with child. [But of course]. As such she is supposed to mentally prepare herself in such a way that as the pregnancy progresses, and the pain intensifies, she can disguise her discomfort. In other words; his words “Mi cyan tek di bawling”.

How dare you?

Do you know the physical pain a pregnancy can bring?
Do you know the pains of labour?
Do you know the strength of a woman?

Your woman’s strength is in carrying your child, being strong enough to bear the pain which you never could and at the same time express herself even with tears. Let her cry. It is her right to!

Although I cannot answer the pregnancy-related questions above because I myself have not yet had the privilege of being an expectant mother, I think as a woman I can relate to pain as well as I can relate to the strength of a woman.

My friend, I think you are in fear and rightfully so because you do not know the joys of fatherhood, but my best advise to you is, make her comfortable, be there for her, let her express herself, bear the bawling. Let her weep and dry her tears. Your support will only make her stronger and make the pregnancy that much easier. It will only be for a short time. The end results are for a lifetime.

I’m here for you.