In My Skin

I Feel Betrayed

2009-11-02T18:38:00.002-05:00

Although I've made a million mistakes in my life, I've learnt a million and one lessons. 2009 has taught me many things and above all I have learnt that I am too trusting of people. Between the end of last year and now I cannot count how many times people have betrayed me and all because I just never see it coming.

I have tried to just press delete on some people in my life and am still trying to delete a few more. I am not really a loner per se but alone time gets me in thinking mode and I try as best as I can to see where I went wrong that caused things to get to the points they have reached. I blame myself really because I control my own fate.

Typically, I want the best for people and I always want to see them give of their best. But some people have such low standards and have no honour and they could care less the repercussions of their actions. That's not me...I weigh pros and cons and then act. For the most part anyway.

The ultimate betrayal from which I have suffered, am still trying to recover. I have suffered many losses as a result of it and I don't think I can get to a place where I can forgive. I hope my Judas reads this blog and realizes that he/she had a hand in my greatest loss! I will never forgive you! Ever...

One Drop

2009-06-08T23:06:00.004-05:00

Pressure - Make Up To Breakup

Roots to Routes

2009-05-28T17:14:00.004-05:00

Roots to Routes

Reggae roots to reggae routes
Nesta turns in his grave
Wailing souls to dying souls
His lovechild degenerates.

One Love One Heart
Once musical vibrations
But signs of the time: violence, crime
Now biblical Revelations.

Reggae’s king, his queen: She’s Royal
Riley’s Parables celebration
But everyday new demands
Female demoralization.

On the edge, on the “that”
On the coaster bus
No respect. Disrespect
Lover’s rock now lust.

Blender sings a Ghetto People Song
Voices behind the zinc
Trench Town Rock a rock no more
Gaza, Gullyside headline Sting.

Bands and bans
The offspring: dancehall
Gone global, international
Locally appalled.

Skateland. No, Jamworld
The people cry encore
Commission’s legislation
No airplay. No more.

Generations of building blocks
Crash and burn to soot
Prison Oval Rock tumbling down
Reggae roots to reggae routes.

Check The Sunday Gleaner May 17, 2009

The Art of Taking An Exam

2009-05-13T18:09:00.002-05:00

There is a science known as examinology and I shall take the credit for pioneering it! LOL.

So it's exam season once again; time to show that you sponged up all the information, did your research and can put pen to paper to produce mastery despite the limits of time.

There is a method to this madness known as exams and although their intents and purposes are to drive innocent students to insanity, I have always maintained my cool. So what if I want to keep it a secret that I am literally shitting in my drawers? But there are some sure fire ways of "sawting out di ting!"

1. Get there early. Who the hell wants to be wiping beads of sweat in a frantic race to find a seat and get settled. Can you imagine if your pen just decides to take the day off? U luddy. Get there early, get your things ready and laywait the invigilators to say "OK you may enter the exam hall!" amidst wiping off THEIR beads of sweat!

2. Test the seats. So yes you want to be really comfortable. Try out the desks and chairs. After all you are early so you have the time. If you are pleasantly plump, beefy, burly, buxom, chunky, corpulent, fleshy, full, obese (I don't like this one!), portly, pudgy, rotund, round, stout, tubby or just plain FLUFFYYYY ( to the werl) then you may want to make sure your legs of ham hold comfortably under the desk and the chair will be able to contain your junken trunk for the next two to three hours.

3. Get the paper and check the clock. So you want to time yourself. No more than x amount of time must be spent on any one question. Wait , wait I forgot....

4. Before checking the clock just quickly scan and choose the question. This shouldn't take long. Why? Hopefully you prepared for the worst but the best is on the paper. Really, if you think about it, there must be at least two questions you can do (DOG NYAM U SUPPA IF YOU ARE REQUIRED TO DO THREE!). Once you decide, don't chnage your mind. If you do then guaranteed you will be thrown off course. Just pretend those are the only two questions on the paper and get to thinking.

5. You cannot write everything you know. Hopefully after having gone through a semester of instruction, your lecturer would have already known what you are capable of. Exams only test application of principles under pressure. After all this is what you will face in the real world. Three good points are all you will need and "yu gaan a lead". It's not about showing off your study skills expertise. You have to keep it in focus.

6.Finish early. You want to give yourself ample time to just make minor corrections and really make sure you did your best. If there is something you remember, let it stay in your head because if you dare try to "skwinch" it in, it only demonstrates that you have failed. Adding that extra sentence will only throw off the six or seven you already had. Points off for organization *snicker**snicker**snicker*

7. Walk out my girl (or yute) walk out. Really, this is my favourite part. I have left all that is that one exam paper behind. I try to finish very very very early, like half an hour early, only because I do not want to hear the big hullabaloo that will be when the final bell sound. Discussing exams after they are done only means that for the next few months (while the papers are being marked) your blood pressure is bound to rise, you may lose a few pounds (hhmmm this may be a good ting)and you may pull out your hair wondering "what have I done". Be confident enough to know that you were right and they (the after- exam discussers) were wrong (Jesus weep if a nu so it go).

Well I don't know. I guess everybody has their own style. Mine has worked for me so far (maybe until after my history exam tomorrow) and I feel like I'm gonna stick to it!

Happy Belated.....to me

2009-04-17T18:56:00.002-05:00

One year older!

It Feels Great

2009-02-20T18:06:00.006-05:00

After 2 and a 1/2 years of expecting more and only getting more headaches I decided to part ways with Digicel on their Voluntary Separation Programme. This came at a fairly convenient time as I really wanted to just resign and focus fully on school.

So as I get used to not having a steady job for probably the first time in about 6 years, I forge forward with renewed spirits and hope I will be able to effectively manage my finances in this global recession.

You know how relaxing it feels to be making this blog entry from school at 6 o' clock on a Friday evening? It Feels Great!

Since September?

2009-02-15T10:37:00.010-05:00

All of 5 months and no blogging? Truth is I have been extremely busy; busy taking care of everyone else but myself. I am about to turn a new page in my life and I really hope it works out fantastic. What I am looking forward to most is the opportunity to just RELAX!!!

So what has been happening for the past 5 or so months?...School, work, schoolwork,School, work, schoolwork,School, work, schoolwork,School, work, schoolwork,School, work, schoolwork,School, work, schoolwork,School, work, schoolwork,School, work, schoolwork,School, work, schoolwork,School, work, schoolwork, (tell me when to stop!)

I lost a friend in Stuart Brown. I was so disturbed I couldn't even blog about it as I did with Taiwo and my mom. To add salt to the wound I had thought that all funeral arrangements and events would have been held in Florida, come to find out there was a memorial service her in Jamaica and I did not get to go.

The horrors of teaching practice! I really questioned after about a few hours of the first day if this was really the profession I wanted to get into! Students nowadays make teachers get grey hairs before time a tell yuh.........@ least I had no greys after 3 weeks (save for the 3 strands I have been growing up with).

Oh...I celebrated a one year anniversary with my guy. I am still trying to figure out if he is the one (hope he never sees this post!)

Went through the regular routine of assignment and end of semester exams...as always I approached them with a cool head except for History. I was truly worried because History class @ 8am meant I could sleep a little longer after a hard night's labour. I was absent more than I was present but I always tell my lecturer "Sir don't worry about me..you know I have things under control". But I swear to yuh I had diarrhea starting about 2 days before the exam, which promptly ended after I completed the paper..it was a breeze! A little birdie told me the jitters paid off stupendously! Another little birdie also told me I was bang on with the English exams (sing with me..."me am super fly..super duper fly").

Christmas went by, New Year's went by....as usual nothing exciting to write about there. Oh sorry, Obama's swearing in made me cry! I watched every moment of the ceremony and the day's proceedings. I really hope he continues to make a name for himself.

VSP...umm..umm...maybe another time...stay tuned friends and fans!

Wrecka Wrecka

2008-09-28T13:53:00.002-05:00

Only in Jamaica you will siddung inna big big establishment like Pizza Hut and a likkle dutty car washer man woulda push door an run come een bout "WRECKA! WRECKA!" I laughed so haaaaaaaaaaaard!

Then to make it worse my friend (who does not even have a car) tear outta di people dem place lef him pizza fi go look! So mi ask him if him have vehicle , hear him "Mussi mi tWo foot a shoes wa park inna di space!"

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Wrecka wrecka! It was a good day!

Goat Mout'?

2008-07-21T22:16:00.002-05:00

A mi nayba goat mout yuh nuh...she hear mi a cough, inccocent cough an ask if mi have di bad flu?

I did not until few hours later!

Feverrrrr! Touch me an yuh get burn.
Sore throat..it hurts when I swallow!

And to top it off I had to be at work just the same. They would not let me go home and just imagine me with a throat under fire talking consistently for hours.

Now four days into it all my throat seems only to be getting worse. The fever has subsided but jesus krise mi waa eat in peace!

Isn't theraflu supposed to work? Hellllllpppppppppppppppppppp!!

Watch, Talk, Click!

2008-06-24T19:13:00.004-05:00

Will it be worth it?

So I got Flow today. So far it mek mi TV show pretty pretty but I am not sure if I will be getting my money's worth.

So far I just basically flipped through the channels to see if I see anything to get excited about. I have found a channel named People & Arts that has my kind of programming but the annoying part is that it is a Spanish channel and although the programs are in English they have the Spanish caption across the screen. Hate that! It blocks my view!

I am most disturbed because for some reason there is no HGTV!. I could have sworn it was in the line up. Checked to verify and it was not so it means I have to call in to get it and guess what? The cable is not in my name so I have to wait until it is convenient for my cousin!... wanda if she know mi nah pay nutten if mi nah get nuh HGTV....cho!

Dear Cousin, please click on this link

How the #$!@ oonu dweet?

2008-06-06T12:38:00.004-05:00

work 8 hour days?

I have not done this since I started school last August. I thought with school on vacation then maybe I could go back to 8 hours for the summer but "hell to the $@!$ no". I can only manage 5 hours on any given day of Digicel Customer Care. 8 hour days not cutting it @ all!

I can't wait to start teaching (hope I love it)!

Let Di Fun Begin

2008-05-29T20:54:00.004-05:00

Final exam was today..Was surprisingly the most challenging yet...but screw that my summer begins today.

Although I am not on much of a vacation, I don't have school to think about. Soooooo let the partying begin.....

So where are the hot spots for an aging female like me?

Study Group 2 Di Werl'

2008-05-22T00:12:00.004-05:00

Mi really neva tink seh nutten coulda go so! Mi neva was a fan a dem tings cause to me dem was a gran' waste a time. However, fi di past 4 day mi decide fi move een temporary pon Mico Hostel an tek part inna one whirlwind study group. Mi seh whirlwind cause a almost 15 people when deh deh.

A night time when we decide we ready fi study we start roun 8:30pm wid me (the designated chef) a collek donation a food item fi run a big pot. First night was a choice of tin mackerel(dutty gyal) or corn beef wid rice, secon night was stew chicken an macaroni wid rice an di third night was back to dutty gyal an rice. Di food gwaan good an as mi cook di girl dem a discuss a mi listen where mi could an contribute where mi could an mek certain fi pay attention to di bubblin pot!

Share out time come an mi did haffi mek di pat stretch fi evrybaddy get fair share. Mi master di art easy suh til one a di girl dem ask mi a how much people mi normally woulda cook for cause mi really kno how fi do di sharing. Meanwhile we a eat we a beat di books same way til people start drap asleep one one.

Mi nah lie mi not ongle get di most outta di study group but mi enjoy miself inna di meanwhile. Mi never kno seh a set a girl coulda live so good wid each odda so til we coulda form group a study so. All who a cotch pon bed an sleep a grung pon so so mattrass (excep me of course wid mi comfortable bed to miself!) An as mi siddung ya so an sleep a ride mi, mi jus a tink bout how mi miss mi "roomie", mi likkle parrie! Mi a go call har now........:)

103 Friends

2008-04-29T22:53:00.002-05:00

First there was HI5, then there was Myspace and now Facebook. This whole social networking phenomenon was never something that got me all excited. People always said I was out of the loop because I had no account on Facebook but I just sat at work Sunday evening and decided to venture this new world. Here I am 3 days and 103 friends later.

Its interesting I guess since it seems the place to be to catch up with and stay in touch with old friends and associates. Of most interest to me is the developing stages of what will be a high school 10 year reunion. Many cannot seem to believe they have come this far and gotten this old but I dont see it that way. I see it as wiser, more mature, more responsible and all that jazz (and I still am the youngest one!).

There is just one person I wish I could find on this new thing. I don't live on it like I see many have been doing, but I think my active search begins now...................will provide updates!

Me? An Award?

2008-04-14T17:06:00.002-05:00

Unconfirmed reports... I will be the recipient of an award for History Education.

So my lecturer calls me for a brief moment to collect my ID #. When I asked what for, he stated that he will speak to me off air. No prob I guess since I am not one to get into trouble.

When I finally got a chance to speak with him he indicated that the Joint Board of Teacher Education had forwarded an ID# for the recipient of the top award for History. The lecturer for the other class had already checked with her students and it belonged to none of them.

Ironically when he queried the ID# with my class I was absent...OK OK I was skulling (as usual..hey I work and go to school so if I happen to choose not to leave my house early..a girl needs rest sometimes!).So by default it had to be mine BUT he just wanted to be sure.

He sat me down in his office, stated that he has not gotten the full details of it but that was the basic idea! He proceeded to comment on my being an excellent student and that I worked hard and I deserved it. Hell yeah I deserve it and I refuse to be humble about it!

The whole situation brings back memories of high school graduation. I had worked hard for the two years of CXC. I had gotten excellent remarks from my History teacher and got the grades to back it up too. Come graduation day I sat on the edge of my seat, waiting to hear the History prize awardee....it was not me!!!!

A my time now!!!

Reflections

2008-03-16T14:33:00.001-05:00

“Finally, I’m done!”

When I found I had to create a scrap book I was disheartened. The reason was that I do not listen to the news broadcast neither do I read the papers much anymore. Whatever, news I get is second hand or word of mouth. This meant that I had to start buying the daily newspapers to get enough articles to complete the assignment.

This was a better time than any to have done such a scrap book because issues in education are burning these days. But I thought to myself if I buy the papers and collect the articles then chances are I will have the same articles as everyone else. And so I began to beg! I collected piles of newspaper subscriptions from neighbours and friends and began to sieve through to find interesting articles within the past year.

After I collected the articles I still wanted to be different so I thought of the most creative ways to mount the clippings. “Scrap book”, I thought, “then the clippings must look that way” and so I decided to present them as I have, being disappointed there is no allocation of marks for creativity.

Honestly, when I collected the clippings, I rested them down on my desk for weeks, feeling assured that at least I have the content and it should be smooth sailing from there. I was so wrong! The bulk of the work was yet to come. As an aside, I did not even read the articles. Then it was time for the summaries! As I painstakingly read each one, I began to figure how I would compose the summaries in a concise yet detailed manner according to the assignment sheet.

What I have learned? One, I have learned to take the time to keep abreast of my surroundings and that means setting aside a small amount of money to buy a newspaper, even once per week. Two, education is serious business. All has to be involved for it to reap maximum success. Three, the education sector is under attack. Teachers help to build the nation yet the nation is helping to tear us down. Tearing down the profession itself and the sector service we provide. Four, I have to be a vehicle of change. Reform has to start somewhere. While the formal ministry can address the infrastructure, the individuals involved have to address the pedagogy and that includes me.

While this task was overwhelming, I have come away with tremendous insight and in closing I must thank a wonderful boyfriend for having helped me to burn and mount!

The In-Laws

2008-03-03T09:00:00.005-05:00

So I had a fulfilling weekend. Me and Craig (the boyfriend) made somewehat of a last minute plan to visit his parents. It was really much more of a going home and getting away from Kingston but inevitably it meant seeing the in-laws. This time I was more enthused than the last.

"Highway May Pen" shouted the ducta and soon we were on a bus to Clarendon. "Chapelton, Summerfield, Pennance" cried the taxi man and we were on our way for the second leg. I was distraught as it was raining and I remembered all too well the difficulties I had climbing the hill to his house in dry weather much less in these conditions! I didn't complain, just took off my slippers and did my thing!

As we approached the house, there was daddy. He was collecting rain water. Although the community is a developing one, they have yet to get piped water. I thanked God for the rain now because at least I knew the tank would be full and I would have water to bathe (Yayyyyyyyy...No walks to the river!!!!).

Balto was barking so loud, that as daddy looked around to see us approaching, mommy peeked out too! I think maybe they were more happy to see me than him...LOL!

Immediately mommy indicated that she would be interested in whatever hairdressing skills I had as she was seeking a do for church in the morning. Naturally I obliged and sawt out the thing. When I got done doing her hair, she danced her way into her bedroom to model for daddy, asking him "Winston, look at my hair. It long dont?" She made sure I was fed, made sure I had water to bathe, talked about school, talked about life in general.

Daddy cool. He doesn't talk much but I know he into me. Sunday morning came and Craig was sick. I found it funny at first because I think he is just too greedy but eventually I had to pamper him. I asked daddy for jelly water and he obliged instantly. He cut the first jelly and as I walked off to give it to my ailing boo (LOL. I hate that word), he remarked, "So yuh ago bizniz bout fi tek care a him alone? Waapen to yuhself? U nuh want none?" and there I knew this man liked me a lot. The first indication was the fact that he remembered my name quite easily on the first visit and referred to me by it at all times. But this sealed the deal.

Like the time before, they were sad to see me leave (Craig coulda neva go back fi all dem care!). Mommy commented disappointedly that she wish she could give me a money. Interesting! Daddy was disheartened that I could not carry one a di fowl dem from outta di freeza (he rears and sells chicken). They, however, bid me farewell and invited me back at anytime.

I think my next trip back will be very soon an a me an daddy ago par!

One Long Year

2008-02-25T18:13:00.003-05:00

On this day exactly one year ago, my mother made her transition. I say transition because she did not just die, she left for a better place. At first I thought maybe it's best. Then I thought how am I going to survive.

It has been difficult! I thought I was strong enough but I found and still find myself breaking down for the simplest things. Any slight reminders, any fond memories. My heart weeps for her. Most times I cry to myself or cry to the only person that I think cares.

I have let her go but sometimes I wish she could come back. I wonder to myself most times if she really is in a better place as I would like to think. Many a times I have dreams where she just appears but she always seem ill. It's been a few days since she graced my dreams. The last time I dreamed I told her that "I have a boyfriend now". Maybe she is happy for me. Is it consent why she hasn't come around since? I wish she could have approved.

And so after today I begin counting again. Counting down the days till it becomes two years. I'm sad!:(

A Tarnished Image of Jamaica

2008-02-14T12:47:00.002-05:00

The scintillating sounds of reggae music, the record-breaking performances of sporting elites and the beauty and serenity of white sand beaches give Jamaica a place on the world map. A powerful island nation with many great achievements, Jamaica has much of which to be proud. Despite our successes and international glory, the level of crime and violence, internal corruption and intolerance for homosexuality have served to mar our global image.

Murder and other violent crimes have become increasingly prevalent in the Jamaican society. A 1998 Interpol Report on global crime rate, ranks Jamaica fourth in the world for number of murders per 100,000 persons. The majority of the violent crimes in Jamaica's metropolitan areas, especially Kingston, is associated with gangs and politics. Jamaicans are extremely passionate about social and political issues and, in the most populous areas, such passion can sometimes find destructive outlets. Impromptu demonstrations have been known to occur and can escalate into riots or shootings. For as long as Jamaica has been a popular vacation spot, the island’s reputation for crime and violence has preceded it, often overshadowing the many wonderful aspects Jamaica has to offer its visitors. The United States State Department has issued travel advisories about crime rates, particularly in Kingston and Jamaica’s own Tourist Board offers tips and warnings for keeping safe while visiting. With a recorded 1574 murders committed in 2007, locals constantly live in fear and foreigners are discouraged from visiting our island home.

The problem of corruption jeopardizes Jamaica’s economic stability and prosperity. Corruption can take the form of treason, misappropriation of funds, extortion, bribery and black market operations. In 2005, Transparency International (TI) ranked Jamaica 64th out of 158 countries on its Corruption Perception Index. This Report placed Jamaica at 4th out of 6 Caribbean nations based on the degree of corruption that is perceived to exist among politicians and public officials. Once corruption is associated with a certain person, company, government or country, it is difficult to shed the stigma. Jamaican businesses actively seek Foreign Direct Investment (FDI) and corruption only makes economic relations more complex and less forthcoming. Standard and Poor’s, provider of independent investment research and data, gives investors a 50 to 100 percent chance of losing their entire investment in countries with corruption like Jamaica. The struggling economy is indicative of failure to secure adequate foreign investment capital despite prospects for suitable development. Jamaica therefore pays an economic price as a result of the height of corruption that pervades international perception of the country.

Jamaican culture is such that it exudes a vehemence of intolerance towards homosexuality. Dancehall music as a form of social commentary expresses deep-rooted disgust with same-sex relationships. Popular lyrics such as Buju Banton’s “Boom Bye Bye”, Capleton’s “Slew Dem” and TOK’s “Chi Chi Man” have not only served to express the general sentiment of the people , but have also prompted physical violence towards those labelled as homosexuals. The lyrical content and lewd nature of theses songs have, on numerous occasions, precipitated a spur of mob beatings islandwide. International human rights activists and groups like the American-based Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAAD) have branded Jamaica as a homophobic nation. They have successfully lobbied in recent times to ban Jamaican musical acts from international showcases, as in the recent cancellation of Sizzla’s whirlwind tour of the United Kingdom. While many songs which echo anti-gay perspectives are widely accepted on the home front, they spark global concerns which negatively impacts on reggae music, Jamaican culture and the island as a vacation destination.

Indubitably, negative images of Jamaica are greatly pronounced and are more readily highlighted than the great advances that have been made. Excellence in music and sports coupled with our democratic political framework and potential for investment opportunities, serve to uphold Jamaican fame and renowned status. High crime rates, exorbitant corruption and gross disregard for human rights only play the role of dismantling Jamaica’s good name both locally and across the seas.

What Vacation???

2008-02-10T14:11:00.000-05:00

I made arrangements down to the "T". School out from February 7th, so I decided to apply for my vacation that has been carrying since last year from Digicel. It's just three days I had left but I sort it out so I would be off from Thursday the 7th and wouldn't return to work till Wednesday the 13th. Within that time I should have been a jet setter. I had plans to go to Miami, had the reservations made, PERRRRRRFECT!

Nope. Not so perfect after all. The night before I was to make my trip, I sent a text to my host in Miami, advising that I would be in the following evening and would be staying till Monday. Oh Lord, what a time to spoil it. Due to some marital arrangements that had nothing to do with me I was told in no uncertain terms that I was not welcomed so early, maybe I should consider coming in on the weekend-Saturday.

Good thing I had the flight reservations on hold until I had confirmation of my accomodations. By that time I did not have the wherewithal to change any arrangements or make any new ones considering the time or lack thereof.
I thanked her for her "hospitality" and proceeded to have my booking cancelled.

Vacation? What vacation? I have been in a sombre mood since. I had great plans for my little stint to Florida. Needless to say, I have been locked in my house since Thursday, haven't had much conversation with anyone and those who I have spoken to I am sure wish they had not spoken to me!

"We know you have a choice in travel. Thanks for flying American. Member of the One World Alliance." I'll just have to hear it another time!

Men Are Dogs

2008-01-31T14:24:00.001-05:00

I find that this is the first thing that comes to a woman's mind when she thinks of ways to describe the male species. I proved it to myself!

As an assignment in a Personal Development class, the women were asked to write six things that could sufficely sum up men. Popular amongst the responses were :
"Men are liars"
"Men are cheaters"
"Men are egotistic"
"Men are only sperm donors" etc. etc. etc.
I must admit though that the description that crept up its ugly head most often was the infamous "Men Are Dogs". I sometimes bellow the same sentiment but what do we really mean when we say this?

I suppose we could say a few things:

1. Men will have sex with any woman as long as she has a @$%%&
2. Men don't usually get emotionally attached hence will give up a relationship on a whim.

The general consensus could be that men exude negative characters that make them no better than a beast. My question therefore becomes, given what I broke it down to mean, aren't those characteristics are also indicative of a female prostitute?

All in all I guarantee that this expression won't be going anywhere for a while. As long as women continue to get hurt and have no other way of dealing with their emotions then men will always be dogs.

Birth Control and Me

2008-01-23T19:03:00.001-05:00

Two months had passed and I had not seen my monthly. Pregnant? How? Maybe! I just don't know. But then the pains began. Three weeks of excruciating pains concentrated to my left side in the region of where I suppose my ovary is. I researched all the possibilities. Ectopic pregnancy, tumor, fibroids, cysts, some kind of mass. I read it all. My last resort funny enough was just to make up my mind and visit the gynae (I hate doctors).

Let me stray a little.

Believe it or not he gave me my first pap smear. I always had a fear of having the procedure done because of all the horror stories I had heard in the past but with this doc there was no escaping it. Not to mention I have to be on top of my game now since my mother's autopsy report revealed cervical cancer.

"Keep your knees up and spread your legs!" The last part sounded good but not in this setting. I asked to see the scalpel an he showed me.
"But that is too big!"
"Not much bigger than you know what!"
I snickered a little and then I asked if it would be hot.
"Well," he said, "I have never done one before."

Hardy har har I thought to myself as he inserted. It wasn't painful at all but then again maybe my cavity was just ...........

So anyway, back to the concerns.

He explained that my uterus seemed a little enlarged from what he felt and as such he would be sending me to do an ultrasound to determine what exactly was going on inside my little reproductive centre. But then he said it could be hormonal and subsequently wrote up a request for a blood test also. Need I say that he did not miss the opportunity to tell me in no uncertain terms that I was too fat. But I feel fine and that's all that matters. LOL!

Turns out that I have none of the things I was researching at great length. I am producing eggs but I am not producing enough of that hormone to release them into my ovaries. As such the wall of my uterus grows thick in anticipation of an egg that does not come and consequently it does not shed its lining so I have no monthly. The lining proceeds to thicken to the extent that it causes me terrible abdominal pains.

Diagnosis: Anovulation
Prescription: Birth Control Pills.

Happy New Year?

2008-01-03T07:45:00.000-05:00

So 2008 came in with a bang. Bang because @ 12:00 I was on my way home from work and at the appointed hour the bus drop inna pothole! I came home, took my clothes off and went to bed but will it really be a Happy New Year?

A day and a half into the year I realize that my brother is packing up! He had expressed interest to leave home but I didn't realize it would be so soon. The truth is we don't really get along. We just exist as two individuals in a home and more often than not we are not a united front. In addition to that he doesn't get along with my father. Who does really? The man is annoying as hell! And he has pushed him to that limit!

Initially I was kinda excited at the thought of him not being here because I love a little space but when I saw "the move" materializing I shed a small tear privately. I feel like my mother left him in my hands, him being the younger one but I can't manage to "raise" him. To me he is irresponsible and still thinks like a child at the age of 22. Although she had 4 children, we were the 2 that grew up together and it will almost be like losing a piece of me. I fear that when he leaves he won't maintain contact.

I wish him all the best for the new year and those to come and I hope he doesn't meet any unbearable struggles. I have never been on my own before but it doesn't take much to see that it is not an easy road and I hope he leaves with that thought in mind.

How Was Ur Xmas?

2007-12-26T10:01:00.000-05:00

Mine was very merry...adventurous even!

So it's been almost two months with the new guy. We have a decent bond and everything and he invited me to meet the fam. That would mean travelling outside Kingston and I immediately became excited about going to Clarendon.

I was told it was a residential area but residential my $@$!#%. Apparently their interpretation of residential is not an area with certain conveniences and largely defined by FLAT, FLAT, FLAT lands! One steep $@%#@%# hill fi go uppa him yaawd! So you know big, fat me was having a great issue, not to mention the fact that I brought only slippers, which meant that for the most part I was barefooted climbing hills upon hills!

Can you imagine town mouse a country? I complained about everything! Especially the water situation. I am used to piped water and admittedly they did have the facilities for that to be possible but there was no actual water! Nickiesha, all hot and sexy going to the river to bathe at 5:30 in the morning! About a 1/2 mile walk to the river, bathe inna di ice water, feel so fresh, so clean and then have to trek 1/2 mile back? Almost defeated the purpose. He said I wasn't being appreciative of where he comes from but I told him I rather enjoy nature from someone's camera lens!

So anyway, he has a big family, a very close-knitted family. That kinda made me cringe because I am definitely not used to that. I tried to make the best of the meetings and they went well. Fairly well. Ok, they went great! He insists that his parents love me....and that would be a first!

His mother had the nerve to ask me which parish I was from! How dare she. Only Kingston girls have that air of confidence, that fashion sense, that all round whatever it is that makes us stand out! I know she realised she was wrong for that! LOL!

As much as I might have been a pain in the ass crack, I really did enjoy myself. However, due to my obligations to the Bigger Better GSM Network, I had to cut it short and run lef him an Clarendon!

So how was ur Xmas?

4:42 AM

2007-12-16T05:06:00.000-05:00

The constant vibration of my cell phone mek mi jump up outta mi sleep. Who calls at this hour? Wa oonu want? Wa oonu a badda mi fa?

Late Saturday evening my ex and I had a conversation which ended on the note that "YES WE ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER, LET ME MOVE ON IN PEACE!" for the fifty-leventh time! I just don't get it, what is so hard to understand after more than a year of not being together? Maybe it was my approach to the whole thing.

Usually after breaking up I keep malice until I get over the relationship or reach a point where I can deal with the break-up. This time there was no real malice. We broke up out of unavoidable circumstances and had kept the lines of communication free. For the entire relationship and even during it's disintegration we were "friends". I will safely admit that there was always some sort of a notion on both ends that maybe one day things could be restored to...to...to...I will call it normalcy.

Of late, which is maybe more than 3 to 4 months I made it clear that the old firestick had gotten wet and there was no glimmer of hope to dry it and mek it ketch! Obviously him tear up dat deh memo deh an dash it whey!

So now at 4:42 AM this haunted man a ring off mi phone. I opened the line the first time and said nothing. It rang twice more. On the fourth ring I answered in a rather sleepy voice and asked how I might be of assistance. Apparently at some point during his sleep he was wondering if I was sleeping beside, fondling, caressing, loving up...ok ok ok. He was wondering if I was having sex with another man!

Da bredda ya mad! At 4:42 AM, please to gallang back a yuh bed!